A lot of the time we yell, scream and through tantrums at our loved ones as they do the same to us. We continue this pattern again and again by listening to the words and not the message.
My best example is couples that argue about everything. The female partner becomes very upset and is really letting him have it. Letting him know how she feels about him not taking her out as much anymore, he’s always sitting on his ass, he doesn’t tell her how beautiful she is anymore and that she isn’t even sure if he loves her anymore. All of which may or may not be true but that isn’t the point.
This verbal attack will get the average man in this situation on the defensive and coming up with all sorts of excuses to her claims. While justifying himself he becomes very upset and the arguing begins. The tension can last for hours to months all because there wasn’t any understanding.
On the man’s part he was listening to her bang and not her bullet coming towards his head. The bang was the emotional outrage and the words and actions. Most of the times a woman’s emotions can seem like a personal attack but I assure you it’s not. If you treat it as a measure of love, reassurance and understanding you are giving in that MOMENT, then you will have a better way to communicate. In a time like this you must be present with your woman and not let her sway you. 
I’ll give you an example to clarify so you don’t confuse the ability to not being swayed by your woman with being apathetic or any type of mistreatment.
I had gone on a date with a lady I had met a few months back. We were driving to Williams Café and we got into a little disagreement and she abruptly demanded I bring her home. I responded by a silent stare into her in the eyes. Then the word “Interesting” leaped out from my lips in curiosity. I was a bit intrigued by her emotional reaction and oddly a bit turned on. For about five minutes the air became thick with tension. Then purely out of instinct I reach out and put my hand over her palm and continued to drive. The silence was broken, “I’m so sorry…” her gentle voice made me smile as I gave my own apology. Then a quick pull over to the side of the road for the warmest of hugs and the most intense kiss.
She then proceeded to explain to me that she had always seemed to find herself sabotaging her chances of happiness either consciously or unconsciously. She then continued to tell me that I was the first person to withstand her storm and now she feels like she can trust me a whole lot more than she did when we first met. Her bang was her attitude and the abrupt bring me home while her message was show me some love and understanding. |
