There is a huge difference between attracting a woman and creating attraction within a woman. Anyone can attract a woman it is a very simple process. We use ornamental figures such as our cars, financial status, muscles and good looks to attract women but that still doesn’t create attraction within them. These “ornaments” do attract women, men and bird poop on your brand new red sports car. Heck, show me the new Infiniti G37 Coupe and my head will turn and I will walk over and start a conversation. But, I don’t think my pants will be coming off anytime soon there are some boundaries I never cross. As much as I am one for living your life the way you want, I still prefer the ladies … Onward!
None of these ornamentations that we have developed will ever succeed in creating that burning attraction in the pit of a woman’s stomach. Haven’t you ever wondered how that skinny, broke and half-decent looking guy is doing with that gorgeous woman; a woman that most of us would consider out of his league? If he didn’t use an ornament, then what did her use?
Now, become very observant and see that there is something else going on at an unseen level. Become curious to what is really creating that attraction. This is the first step in which you have to take and accept before you can become successful at creating attraction in a woman.
Attraction isn’t something that is logically chosen it is a reaction to another person. If it were a choice then “jerks” wouldn’t have as much luck with women as they do now. A woman doesn’t weigh things out then come to a decision to have that chemistry with you. I am sure the same thing goes for you too. You don’t look at a woman take a moment to assess the situation and then choose to feel attraction for her no, it is almost instantaneous. It is so fast for us that we become attracted before we even realize we are.
You would compare our attraction mechanism to that of a light switch; one flick and it’s on. Other dating advice say that a woman’s attraction mechanism is that of a volume knob but I would say it is more like a retractable lever; you have to keep constant pressure and adjustment (which could be in the form of leaving her alone, having your own life and allowing her to miss you) . Once you take your hand off that lever it will retract and it will be almost impossible for you to bring it back down. It’s programmed with a DNA reader so it will specifically not let you in! Sorry lol.
To prevent this from happening, a lot of “dating guru’s” like David DeAngelo, spent a number of years testing out their theories trying to figure out what triggers attraction. They took rejection after rejection in hopes of figuring it out. Some have taken more rejection than you and I combined in our lifetime in hopes of figuring it out. Now that’s persistence!
One of the biggest breakthroughs they had was realizing that the more aloof they were the more the woman’s interest rose. Women would do incredible things just to be around these men. Some men have reported that there were even stalked at one point. They really hit on a real gem here. I mean it really worked.
I know, I know what you’re thinking, it seems like I am agreeing that it works then why the title of the article. <sigh>
Patience Grass-Hoppa!
This method of creating attraction works so well that it’s been adapted into movies such as “Just Friends” with Ryan Reynolds, watch this movie if nothing else you’ll get a great laugh. The basic premise of acting aloof is showing the woman that you are not easily swayed by her presence, beauty, status and opportunity for sex. Doing this makes you stand out in her mind from all the other “googly-eyed”, clingy, needy guys that try to pick her up on a daily basis. You will be a breath of fresh air, a bit of a mystery. This will create a vacuum in her psyche which must be filled by her being interested in you. Just ask any girl how she feels when a guy doesn’t seem to be all that interested in her, he's not rude but he just hasn't tried to hit on her; she’ll probably tell you that she will make sure he’s interested. And with most certainty as soon as she accomplishes that she’s done with him.
Being aloof works and it will get you immediate results. Just as long as you remain that way… forever! This is where it completely falls apart. To keep up this type of attraction that was created with "acting" aloof you have to keep being aloof or else it won’t be congruent with whom she thinks you are. If you’re like the other 99.9999999% of us guys you would burst on the inside if you really did develop true feelings for her somewhere far down the line but couldn’t tell her because it would ruin the attraction.
The other long term effects even if you chose not to go any further than a couple dates (or one night) with a woman is that you will become so emotionally detached from women that you will find it hard to have strong feelings for a woman that you want to have strong feelings for. You have trained your body not to go down that road and your mind and body are obedient; they won’t!
Being aloof only creates a false one-way connection. It is false because you are creating a false sense that she cannot have you. The way we are wired is to go after what we cannot have. So she will only be interested in you because on some level she feels that you’re a challenge and cannot have you but once she has you there is no point in being interested in you anymore. This sometimes happens on an unconscious level that neither the woman will know why she isn’t interested in you anymore. She will feel and say to herself “I was so interested in him when I first met him and now that I finally have him it’s just not there anymore”
You have to start it how you plan on ending it is a motto to go by in any relationship. You buy her expensive gifts and take her to expensive places be quite assured that you will have to do this on an ongoing basis.I am sure you want to build something real and with less effort and games don’t you?
You want to be yourself and create that attraction in the woman you desire without being manipulative. As an aside please remove the notion from your mind that we aren’t animals and that attraction just happens! Aaaank, wrong! You are an animal and like every other animal we too have a mating dance.
You still have to do abide by those rules some of these rules include, not being needy, being a challenge, fun, interesting, and not so googly-eyed.
So to create the same and better affects that being aloof creates is a simple process of becoming aware. This is more of a life concept than a dating concept. You have to become aware of her on all levels, physical, emotional and mental. No more being lost in thought, your job is to give her your complete presence. This doesn’t mean that you become a love-sick puppy that stares into her eyes like a stalker plus no one likes a neutered man. Plus, a woman knows it isn’t real and is instantly turned off.
Stop it guys, I smacketh you!
So what does being present really mean anyway, am I supposed to just start at her and nod? No Mr. Stalker No!
Being present means being in the moment totally aware of her and the situation but still being detach from the outcome. You have to be aware of what she is saying, how she moves, her scent and everything that has to do with the moment itself. Being lost in thought or fear is not being present in the moment. There is a natural flow that occurs when two people are together, when you are lost in thought or in judgment that connection cannot be built.
A woman yearns to have your undivided attention it is more important than you think. She would prefer to have 30 minutes of your complete presence than 3 hours of you barely being in the moment. Thinking about work, the game, or even thinking about her is not being in the moment.
Japanese samurai are probably the most present and aware men that ever lived. In a samurai’s duel if you lose presence for even a split second it could mean your instant death. 
To practice being present grab a male friend and stand face-to-face, rest your right arm on the side of each other’s shoulder and stare into his left eye. Now imagine the two of you are going to war and this man is going to be with you and you would die for this man and he would die for you. However, if either of you lose presence with each other for a split moment it could mean the death of your entire army, family and everyone you’ve ever known. You have to trust this man. To make sure he stays present you are going to smack him on the shoulder to bring him back in the moment. So you both have to become very aware of each other and don’t smack him because he blinks. If you love presence and he doesn’t smack you then you have to smack him. No talking you have to feel in the moment. Do this for about 20mins. You must practice if you want to see any results because taking action is the most important thing.
When you are completely present with another man it usually gives you the feeling or wanting to square off right there and then. It’s just how we men are wired. But, for a woman it initiates something else in her and in you too. This doesn’t mean you’re going to looking into every woman’s eyes like a stalker but once you do this exercise you will intuitively know how be present with a woman.
Some men will find t scary to be present with a woman because it’s a territory they have never been before. Staying present is also a challenge but with practice you will become better at it. This is also useful when a woman is being emotional with you. Please read “Pay Attention to the Bullet and not he Bang” article to for a better understanding.
In the James Bond movies observe how present James is, he is definitely a character that is in the moment. He is never swayed by a woman or her emotions rather he is a bit amused by them if anything. Being present will also give you clues that she may not be as interested in you as you might have thought she was. Conversely, being present will allow you to feel her on another level and you might find that you aren’t as interested in her as you once thought you were.
Being present allow kills nervousness, head-chatter and fear which I am sure most of us men feel when we are around a woman we find attractive. Being present also is great for giving speeches because it gets you out of your head and into reality and most importantly into the flow.
For another exercise try being present with the next 5 people you see. Really take them in, listen to them and then respond accordingly, look then in the eyes with love and respect and show then that you are 100% there in the moment with them. You will be surprised with the results. |
